Bat Wars

Yesterday, while checking roll in my 4th period P.E. class, something flitted by me. I just assumed it was some sort of flying insect and didn’t pay much attention to it. Within seconds, however, it happened again. I looked up just in time to see a small bat dip and dive right over the heads of the girl’s P.E. class across the gym. Bedlam quickly ensued. I am quite sure that this country has not seen panic like that since Orson Welles’ infamous War of the Worlds broadcast in October of 1938. As the day progressed five more bats made appearances. Each time they appeared total chaos would break out. I managed to catch and remove three of the little buggers and figured it was only a matter of time before I caught the rest. I went home yesterday afternoon figuring the days’ incidents were a fluke and things would get back to normal by the next morning.



Last night the phone rang and the caller ID showed it was a pre-recorded message from my school district. I picked up and the voice of my principal came across the line saying, “There were bats in our gym and school today and that steps were being taken to take care of the problem.” She also added, “if your child came into contact with a bat they need to be evaluated by a physician immediately.” The overall impression was that our campus was overrun with hordes of blood thirsty bats that were attacking everyone in sight. I rolled my eyes as the message concluded. I couldn’t help but chuckle at how this whole deal had been totally blown out of proportion. Shortly thereafter I turned in for the night.



I had not given the bats a single thought as I drove into work this morning. Imagine my surprise when I was greeted by a gentleman in a hazard suit who was busy putting a “closed” sign on the door of the gym. He identified himself as being from the, I’m not kidding here, “environmental unit”. “The environmental unit of what?” I asked. He just finished putting up his sign and told me, “This area is off limits until further notice.” He then walked into the gym where he joined five other guys in hazard suits who appeared to be studying the ceiling of the gym intently. They were no doubt plotting how to rid the gym of the potentially disease ridden and rabies crazed bats. Six hours later, as I was leaving school I peeked into the gym. The same six guys were inside still staring at the ceiling. I guess they haven’t figured out exactly how they are going to rid our school of the flying mammal menace.

I’m not sure how this is going to play out tomorrow. I know the gym will still be “on shutdown”. All I know is that I’m taking my camera to work. I have this vision of those six guys in their hazard suits running around the gym with butterfly nets trying to capture those six tiny bats. You can bet those pictures will end up online somewhere. I will keep you posted.

My best…